it is summertime, the somberness you feel in the winter has melted away and been replaced by something that you have convinced yourself is not as bad. it's similar in the way that you still have to do everything possible to distract yourself from it, but at least now, it feels as though your options are wider.or perhaps, more pleasurable. but there's also a strange pressure that comes along with that. instead of school forcing you to be distracted, to focus on something other than your own mental health, you must make the conscious decsion to distract yourself. in doing so, you bear the responsibility of finding interesting things to bide your time, and also face th fact that, you are too immature to address the problem head on, and simply peer inside yourself to find teh root of the problem. your own rotten core. but nonetheless, despite it all, it is summertime, you bask in the light and rack yur sunbaked bones. you are tan, a rare occurence. you don't like it. you miss being pale, you feel like the tan doesn't suit you, and it makes you look like a toasted hotdog. but you are also too lazy to put on sunscreen, and lack of willpower tends to trump aesthetic pleasure, as it does in this case. the tide of time has ebbed and flowed and pulled you into its clutches once again, and days pass without your realizing it. but, you have a job, and you are working on getting your license, so you don't feel entirely useless. there's the underlying feeling of knowning that you are being productive, and thus being content with the passage of time. however, also the feeling of knowing that you aren't living in the moment and are, as said above, simply distracting yourself from teh present moment at all times.